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[crossreversed]

QUWROF IS UNAVAILABLE, LEAVE A MESSAGE

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QUWROF: [ AWAY ]
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text | un: Quwrof; cw: Suicide discussion

[crossreversed]

Eaten alive until I took other measures.

[Chrollo could have fought more, harder, but he didn't want this to become a whole thing the way previous Sleepers going against Patron Pthumerians had been.]

[fogsong]

[ It takes her a good half an hour before she texts back. She might have typed out stupid motherfucker a few times but never dared to hit send. It's not her place to be upset over this but, fuck, it feels like it was preventable. ]

You holding up all right?

[crossreversed]

Yes. I've been in worse pain, and washing up is easier a second time.

Dying, especially here, doesn't bother me.

[fogsong]

Worse pain than being eaten alive? All right. Cool. Glad you're handling it all right. [ She's not sure if that irritates her or not (it does). ]

Death really doesn't bother you?

[crossreversed]

Not at all. The things I truly care about will continue on without me, and if there's somewhere souls go when we die, I can see my friends again.

[fogsong]

[ There's a few things there she wants to ask about but limits herself to this: ] Have you lost a lot of friends?

[crossreversed]

Yes.

[fogsong]

That's shitty.

[crossreversed]

We knew what we were getting into. I try to avenge their deaths when I can, but I haven't always succeeded. Sometimes it's too much risk that more of us will die.

[Or too difficult to steal people's abilities, like with the Zoldycks. If he has to face off against Silva again, with or without Zeno, he'll have to just go for the kill. They're too clever and wary. Even the Troupe members who weren't there at the beginning are still his people.]

[fogsong]

It can't make it that much easier. Loss sucks even when you know to expect it. [ Then again, the possibility is never real for her until it is. ] Does avenging them help?

[crossreversed]

It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it does help in its own way.

I didn't realize you and Taro were friends.

[fogsong]

Well, we are. I'd been waiting for him to return since he'd fucking texted me days ago not to worry.

Not to worry.

Fuck.

I want to burn down Goat Turning now.

[crossreversed]

I know what that's like, but without the benefit of him coming back. Though the message I got wasn't a text, and I didn't really he wasn't to come back until I learned of his death.

[Even though he planned and acted as if Uvogin was dead, and had believed he was dead, the possibility that he wasn't had been there up until Chrollo had his fortune told.]

Burning it down won't help, or ease the pain. If I thought property destruction would do anything other than make things worse I would have tried it while I was there.

I can't offer you any words or suggest anything you can do that will make it less upsetting.

[fogsong]

Who was he?

And I know it won't help. I'm not going to do it even though I want to. It'd be a waste. Plus, I have long-term plans I don't need upset by something like that. They'll get theirs.

[crossreversed]

He was a dear friend, he was with us since the beginning.

I'm glad you can see reason even when you're angry.

[fogsong]

Did you avenge him?

I can rein myself in for the most part. [ if she weren't, her texts to him would've been much more aggressive and expletive-filled. she recognizes that he did both what was necessary at the moment and what she wouldn't have been able to do herself in the same position. ]

CW: mention of suicide

[crossreversed]

No, and I was ready to give up on that to keep everyone else alive.

Everything was complicated, and we all made mistakes, especially me.

Another friend of mine gave her life to keep anyone else from dying. I wish she had risked mine instead, we might have all lived and he wouldn't have gotten away.

[fogsong]

[ That's something that strikes her about Chrollo: no matter how he acts, how strange and distant, his friends from home seem to matter more to him than anything else. ]

If wishes were fishes.

He? The person who killed your friend? [ He might have gotten his vengeance if his friend hadn't given her life? God, that sounds... shitty as hell. ]

[crossreversed]

Yes, and things will get very complicated if he washes up here.

There's no way to change what happened, and perhaps I would have died if she had chosen to risk my life, but I still would have preferred that.

[fogsong]

When an enemy washes up, things tend to get complicated. Unless this isn't about the fact that you could kill him a hundred times and he'd still crawl back out of the ocean?

And I've been there. I get it.

[crossreversed]

It's not. The effects of his ability aren't so terrible because I can just die and come back, but he could make life difficult.

That's the worst part of it. Choosing who gets placed in a more dangerous situation, who to ask to protect someone else with their life.

I never wanted to be the one on the surviving end of that even though I knew it was always a possibility. It feels hypocritical, asking other people to put their own lives above mine.

[fogsong]

It's okay, I could make his life difficult, too. [ She is aware he's capable on his own, of that she has no doubts, but he wouldn't have to deal with it on his own. ]

That's the curse of loyalty and leadership, I hear. If they think you're worth following, if they trust you, they're probably willing to die for you regardless of what you want or think is right.

It's nice to know you don't like to be a hypocrite, though. [ She doesn't have a problem being one, honestly. ]

[crossreversed]

No. You're not part of this.

His hatred for me is the same as the hatred you and I have for others. I have no doubt you could make him suffer, but I'd prefer another approach.

If they trust me, I'd prefer they follow my plan instead of their feelings. Some of them could manage it. Perhaps I'll get a chance to show you sometime, I've heard memories can be shared here.

[fogsong]

Why does he hate you like that? [ She doesn't really expect an answer but now she wants to know. ]

Every time I've experienced other's memories here, they didn't have any control over what was shown to me.

[crossreversed]

Perhaps I'll tell you sometime.

Were they trying to stop their memories from being shared at all or trying to control which ones were shared.

It might be like torture, the ones who just try to say nothing don't last as long as the ones who focus on saying the same thing over and over.